In Management: How to manage difficult personalities?

Thanks En.Mustapha. D..

I sometimes felt this aspect of management was a variant of the80-20 rule.  But rather than80 percent of business coming from20 percent of your customers, it seemed as a manager that80 percent of my time was spent on20 percent of my employees.

Personalities being unique, there are no simple one-size-fits-all-solutions.  That said, after several decades in  management, here are seven suggestions to help navigate these choppy waters.

1) Be thoughtful about assignments. To the extent possible (and naturally this isn't always controllable), provide some especially substantive, challenging assignments that will fully utilize and stretch their considerable skills.  “We give our best people the worst assignments,” was a how a former colleague of mine used to jokingly put it.  Such assignments can also engage them and bring out their best.

2)  Make HR an ally. Despite Hollywood’s tendencies to humorously stereotype the overly bureaucratic Human Resources manager (and I enjoy “The Office” as much as anyone) the fact is, when dealing with delicate personnel matters I found HR invaluable.  They provided additional perspective and (no small matter!) kept me and the company out of trouble.

3)  Be100% clear about articulating pain points.Don’t dance around problems – articulate the issues as precisely as possible.   If there’s difficulty, for example, collaborating with other team members as a member of the XYZ team, state it.  If there are problems delivering projects on deadline, state it.  If a manager is so demanding he or she is burning out staff and causing too much turnover, state it.  Then work with the individual to build problems into clear and mutually agreed upon performance objectives.

4)  Give ample feedback in both directions. Don’t wait until mid-year or end-of-year evaluations for feedback.   Provide feedback often and in both directions – positive reinforcement when things are going well and corrective guidance when they’re not.  There’s no way to course-correct if it’s not clear correction is needed… and naturally there’s a difference between insightful feedback and pesky micromanagement.

5) No drama. When conflicts arise, as they inevitably do, stay calm.  Some challenging employees even enjoy being provocateurs.  Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into the fray and pull rank and lose your temper, however tempting that might be.  (To use a saying from another realm of experience, it might feel great at the moment but you’ll hate yourself in the morning.)  Prepare for a potentially volatile meeting by gaining tight control of your emotions going in.   As the manager, you’re the voice of authority and reason – maintain the moral high ground.

6) Document clearly. Thorough documentation is always necessary for clearfact-based evaluations, assessing objectively whether goals are achieved or not.  Solid documentation is also essential should you need to build a case for termination.

7)  Know when to say when. When you know beyond a doubt that a situation is destructive and unsalvageable, work closely with HR to follow all proper termination procedures, and then (as Nike would say) just do it.  Make the move and move on.  Indecision erodes authority when action is needed.  A few quick words about terminations:  If a termination is capricious, it sends chills throughout an organization.  (“This could happen to anyone, or worse yet, me!”)   But if a termination is truly deserved, a manager will likely be respected for doing what needed to be done.  Other employees usually know better than managers what’s going on in the trenches, and problem employees disturb more than just their manager.   Since firing and re-hiring are long processes, however, with very real human and economic costs, I always felt it best to try to make a situation work – if it genuinely can.

1. Self confidence of the most important issue with the mood people and is gained through investment successes

2. trail yourself on the endurance

3. Stay away from dialogue and friction with people when they becoming irritable and leave them to rest and then resume discussion with them

4. Try to know the positive points in people in order to invest them and motivate people to use the opportunity for success, as well as negative points in order to treatment 

1.How to recognize difficult collaborators or "problem"?

>>>>Frequent conflicts-directly or indirectly.

2.How the manager should he behave with them in difficult character? Is it necessary to distance?

>>>>Chain their noncontributing thoughts and actions.

3.How to channel their negative attitude without burning or unnecessary stress?

>>>>Sufficiently train them including a constructive brain washing-motivate them by involvement with a good team of experts.

4.What are the mistakes to avoid in difficult relationships?

>>>>Excess restrictions and stagnating privileges--it is always better to positively motivate.

(Excessive discipline will also make difficult personalities who otherwise are experts to solve difficult issues independently)

 Thank you my dear friend ,,, I agree with Mr mohammad gamal answer ,,, and  I see that the Management was Secretariat and responsibility are governed by the rules and legal systems and regulations for those who want to deal with it is not a house or social reform charity hospital, the law is above all 

Thank you Mustafa invited to answer this question.

In the beginning I did not understand you mean the difficult personalities, the work does not have a difficult personalities or easy, Human Resource Management is responsible for the tasks and responsibilities placed through the development of Job Description for individuals within each management, where identifies in this job description ways to deal both inside and outside management and powers authorized everyone

agree with all expert answer

Awesome answers by colleagues here. I need not add more. Thanks!

1Realize that there will always be people in the world that will obstruct you.

The ancient Stoics were very clear about dealing with difficult situations, including people. Their advice was to focus only on what you CAN change: your reaction to them.

Modern psychologists, particularly in the Cognitive-Behavioral school, echo this sentiment and point to the root of most negative emotions as a person’s own negative thoughts.

So if you’re confronted with a difficult person, remember that if you can’t change them, you can at least change how you react and perceive them.

2Look at your own behavior. If you find yourself constantly feeling attacked or harassed, you may be unknowingly attracting the wrong people with your own actions.

Examine any past “drama” in your life. What was your role in those situations? Try to look at it from another person’s perspective.

Self-knowledge—an awareness of your own limitations and strengths—can make dealing with difficult people easier.

3Try to become more aware of your own perception of others. If you are sensitive to the many different ways that people behave and react to you, your thought process for dealing with them will be as various as the different personalities you encounter.

Interpersonal intelligence describes a person’s ability to distinguish another person’s various moods, feelings, and motivations. High interpersonal intelligence means a person will know how to successfully deal with each individual person they encounter according to their temperament.

If you are lacking in this ability, you can improve over time by simply paying more attention to the way people interact. Notice how those people who everyone gets along with handle the various personalities they encounter on an individual basis and try to emulate this behavior.

Interpersonal Strategies

1Choose your battles wisely. Ideally, you and this difficult person would be able to set aside your differences and come to a compromise. Sometimes, this is just not possible.

Step back and really examine the situation. Is it worth further stress trying to pursue a conversation with this person? Maybe another person would be able to handle the situation better.

2Pause for a moment and breathe. When we are being personally attacked, sometimes our “fight or flight response” kicks in. We no longer have to tend with Saber Tooth Cats but the adrenal response is still the same as our ancient ancestors and this feeling can be very intense.

Sometimes, just taking a moment to think will be enough to avoid saying something that will only make the situation worse. If a person is being confrontational, you must choose your words carefully.

Consider the other person’s perspective. If you can empathize with them, it will shift the focus of the interaction from you to them. Be as understanding as possible of their frustration and you may find yourself an ally.

3Continue being as polite and accommodating as you can. Remember the old saying, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar”? A good dose of honey can go a long way in defusing a potential confrontation.

When you remain pleasant and undisturbed, it makes it hard for the other person to continue being combative. Keeping yourself calm will often have a calming effect on others.

Don’t go overboard with the honey. If you’re trying too hard, it will be obvious that you’re really just masking your true feelings.

4Talk to your peers about it. If you’ve been experiencing continuing problems with a person, maybe you’re not alone.

Sometimes, your difficult person is just terribly misunderstood. Maybe you know someone close to them that can offer some insight on how to deal with them?

Creating allies will make any future confrontation easier. If this person is truly difficult to work with, having a group of people to echo your concerns gives you some legitimacy.

Do not resort to petty gossip. Be careful when voicing your concerns to other people. If it gets around to the person you’ve been having difficulty with, it will only make the situation worse.

5Directly confront them in private. If things get really bad, you may need to have a frank discussion about the issue.

Make sure to use “I” sentences. Keeping the conversation focused on your experience will make it seem less accusatory. 

If you’re funny, use it to your advantage. Humor can help any difficult message come across better.

6Talk to your superiors. If all else fails, you should speak with your boss or any person of authority about your concerns.

If you’ve talked to others who have had similar difficulties with this person, approaching your superiors with a complaint as a group can be helpful.

If the difficult person is your superior, don’t be afraid to speak with their superiors.

I Agree with all

I agree with awesome answers of the colleagues.

Agreed with colleagues