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HOW TO SOLVE DAILY LIFE PROBLEMS
Everyone has problems in their life. For the most part, we are able to quickly solve them without much trouble at all. We either come up with a quick solution or use a strategy that worked in the past. For example, if you overslept inthemorning and are going to be late for work, you might decide to call work and explain your situation while getting dressed and ready inhalf the usual time.
Problems become more difficult when there is no obvious solution and strategies that you have tried in the past don’t work. These types of problems cause a great deal of stress and anxiety, and they require a new and different strategy.
The Steps to Solving Daily Life Problems
Step1: Is there a problem?
As a first step, it is important torealize that there is a problem. Because problems can cause anxiety, many people will try toavoid, ignore, or procrastinate when dealing withdifficult issues intheir lives.
Unfortunately, avoiding your problems usually causes the problems to come back and a small problem can become a big problem over time!
So, how can you recognize a problem early?
1. Make a list. Get in the habit of writing out a list of the problems in your life. It iseasier to work on a problem if you have written itdown. This approach will alsohelpyou to see how certain problems seem to come up again and again.
Hint: Write it down. When a problem causes you anxiety, it is best to use apenand paper and to work itoutin written form.
You are more likely to deal with a problem if it is written down in front of you.
2. Use your feelings.We often make the mistake of thinking our negative emotions are the problem. This is false! For example, you might think, “the problem is that I am always stressed at work” But actually, it is more accurate to saythat there is a problem at work (such as difficulties with coworkers or a huge workload), which ismaking you feel stressed. Use your negative emotions toguide you: when youare feeling anxious, stressed, frustrated, or annoyed in a particular situation, try tofind the problem that is making you feel that way.
3. Find the challenge. A huge obstacle for most people is the negative way that they look at problems: if you think that problems are completely threatening, or thathaving them is a sign of weakness or failure, and you see yourself as a badproblem solver, you won’t solve the problem! That is, even if you are good at solving problems, you won’t try to deal with them if you don’t think you can and you don’t see any benefit to it.
But if you can find some benefit or opportunity in a problem, you are more likely to work on it. For example, if your problem is not getting along with coworkers, the opportunity might be that it is a chance toimprove your communication skills andpossibly resolve some arguments with your coworkers.
Key Point: There is always a benefit to solving problems.
Remember that if you solve a problem, even a difficult one, it is one less thing to worry about, and one less problem on your problem list!
Step2: What istheProblem?
Before trying to solve a problem, you first need to define it. Here are some tips on howto properly define what your problem is:
Focus on the problem itself. Ask yourself the following questions:
o What is the situation? (e.g., my boss gives me too much work).
o What would I likethe situation tobe? (e.g., I would like my boss togive me lesswork).
o What is the obstacle that is keeping me from my desired situation? (e.g., I’m unsure how totalkto my boss about my work obligations).
You can then put your problem into a sentence. For example, the problem is that my boss gives me too much work; I would like to have less work, but I’m not sure how to ask him to reduce my workload.
Just the facts! Be careful to avoid putting opinions or assumptions into yourdefinition. For example, thinking that your work problem is that “my boss is a jerk” isan opinion. Besides, itmakes the problem almost impossible to solve.
Be specific and concrete. If you are too vague when defining your problem, it willbedifficult to know how to even begin solving it. For example, thinking that, “myproblem is my work” is not specific or concrete; what is itabout your work that is a problem? How willyou even start fixing this kind of problem?
Step3: What are my Goals for this Problem?
In order to know whether you have solved your problems, it is important to know aheadoftime what a solved problem would look like. Here are some tips for setting goals:
Be realistic. Make sure that your goals are achievable; if they are too unrealistic, you will probably not reach them, and you will feel pretty bad. For example, with thework problem, ifyour goal is to only do your work when you feel like it, you will probably not solve your problem.
Be specific. If your goals are vague, you won’t know when you have reachedthem. For example, if you think, “my goal is to be happy at work”, what does thatmean? Do you want to be happy all the time? How happy? When will you knowwhen you have reached your “happy” goal?
Start with short-term goals. If you set goals that can be reached relatively quickly,you are more likely to work on your problem. You can set long-term goals too, butmake sure to have short-terms goals as well so that you know whether the problem is solved. With the work problem, a long-term goal might be toget another job, but a short-term goal might be to reduce your workload.
Step4: Thinking up Solutions
The biggest mistake that we tend to make when thinking up solutions for our problems is tothink about the same old solutions. But ifthose old solutions worked, the problemwould not still be around. In order tocome up with new solutions, you can follow therules of brainstorming:
1. Devise lots of solutions. You are more likely to comeup with a good solution if you have a lot of solutions to choose from. Try to come up with at least10possible solutions to your problem.
2. Don’t judge your solutions.Remember that you aren’t choosing a solution yet, you are just trying to think of as many options as you can; so don’t judge them. Even silly, strange or extreme solutions are good ones at this stage. For the work problem, you might think about solutions like “quit my job” or “organize a strike”.Write them down! You will never come up with new solutions if you aren’t willing toeven think about silly ones.
3. Have a variety of solutions. Make sure that your solutions are different from each other. For example, with the work problem, there is not much variety if your solutions are to “ask the boss to have lunch with me”, “ask the boss tohave
coffee with me”, or “ask the boss tocome out to dinner”. Although these are three solutions, there is not much variety, because they are basically all the same solution: ask the boss to do something social with you.
REMEMBER: When it comes to difficult problems, the first idea that comes toyour mind is not always the best. Take the time to come up with new possibilities.
Some other tips for thinking up lots of different solutions are:
Be specific. Make sure that your solutions involve specific behaviours, and notgeneral strategies. For example, the solution, “give the boss a list of all the work I am doing now” is very specific, compared to the solution, “be more assertive withmyboss”. If you picked the latter solution, you would have a new problem:figuringout how tobemore assertive!
Ask for help. If you are having a hard time coming up with new and different solutions toyour problem, ask friends, family, or coworkers for advice. Otherpeople might have ideas that you have not even thought of.
Step5: Deciding on a Solution
If you struggle with anxiety, actually picking a solution to your problem can often seemquite difficult. However, it is important to remember that not solving a problem can lead to more anxiety than trying to solve it, no matter how anxious you feel. The following are some guidelines that can help you find the best solution toyour problem.
REMEMBER: The goal is to find the best solution toyour problem, NOTtheperfect solution. If there was a “perfect” solution, you would havealready found it!
1. Will this solution fix my problem and help me reach my goals?
This guideline might seem obvious, however, it is important to make sure that your solution will help you reach your goals. For example, “work harder” as a solution to the work problem will not help you reach your goal of having less work to do in a day.
2. How much time and effort does this solution involve?
You can expect that any solution will require some time and effort, but the amount involved needs toberelated to your needs. “Quitting my job” as a solution to the work problem might involve a great deal of effort, since you would have to start looking for a new job.
3. How will I feel if I pick this solution?
If you think that a solution will make you feel bad, guilty, or too anxious, it might notbethe best solution. For example, “lie to the boss about how much work Iactuallydid” might make you feel bad.
4. What are the costs and benefits of this solution to myself and others right now andin the long-term?
The best solution will have the most benefits, and the fewest costs possible. Butwhen thinking about costs and benefits you want tothink about how a solution willaffect:
� You right now and in the future
� Other people inyour life right now and inthe future
For example, if you picked the solution, “blame my coworkers for work that isn’t done”, this might solve your problem right now, but it will probably seriously affect your relationship with your coworkers, and inthe long-run your boss will probably find out. The costs of this solution seem to outweigh the benefits.
REMEMBER: There is no perfect solution, so when you are judging each potential solution, it is unlikely that itwill meet all four criteria. That is, it probably won’t solve the problem with no time or effort, make you feel happy while doing it, and have no costs and only benefits. You are lookingfora solution that BEST meets the criteria, not perfectly.
STEP5: Carrying Out the Solution
This is often the most difficult step because you now have toactually start carrying out the solution you chose. Most people are afraid that they might have picked the wrong solution, or that perhaps there is a better solution if they just think about the problem more. This is not helpful thinking! It is better to act than to do nothing at all.
To help you carry out your solution, you can make an action plan. If you know how you are going to carry out your solution, you are more likely todoit.
Your plan should include all the steps that you will need to take tocarry out the solution, and it should be as specific and concrete as possible. For example, if my solution is to “get a new job”, some of the steps involved in that solution might be:
- make a list of the types of jobs I would like to have
- buy a newspaper every day and check the “help wanted” ads
- contact all the employers who advertise a job that Iwould like to have
- rearrange my work schedule so that I cango to interviews if necessary
STEP6: Checking In on Your Problem
Now that you have carried out your solution, you need to make sure that it isworking.Sometimes the best-laid plans don’t always turn out perfectly, so it is agood idea to have markers that let you know whether you are on the right track. For example, with thework problem, you might use your workload as a marker for tracking your solution. If you notice that your workload is going down, then your solution is probably working.
What do I do if my solution isn’t working?
Because the unexpected happens in life, sometimes even the best solutions don’t workoutwell, which is unfortunate, but normal. The best thing todois to recycle through the different steps and ask yourself the following questions:
o Did I define the problem properly?
o Were my goals realistic?
o Are there other possible solutions?
o Is there a better solution that Icould have picked?
o Did I carry it out as planned?
If you work through these steps, you might find that you went wrong somewhere, and then you can fix itandtry again!
TIP: Solving the difficult problems in life is hard work, so make sure to reward yourself afterward for a job well done.
